She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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