there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
