That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
