I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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