What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
