I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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