living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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