garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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