So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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