those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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