He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
