Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
