I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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