Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
