got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
