I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
