im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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