I can tuck mytits in my pants
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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