Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
