I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
