Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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