So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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