dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
