Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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