New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
