Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
