Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
