i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
