Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
