i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
These tits shall not be calmed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
