guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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