please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
