Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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