I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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