I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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