I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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