What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
