the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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