just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
