You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
