It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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