its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
