In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
