Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
