life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Im part way to drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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