So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
