you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
