at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
