I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
