so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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