thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
